Full of crap House
by yellow notepaper
Summary: DJ injects 2 gallons of fluid into Steve's head, Michelle wears a condom, and Danny discovers something he thought he could never find again... [dj.steve & dan.jesse & joey.becky]
1. Death of the Eyescratcher

_**Full (of crap) House**_

_**By yellownotepaper**_

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the Full House characters. Thankfully. We would probably end up commiting suicide to take away from all the fluffy happy crappy crap.

**Chapter One**

"DEE JAY!" Steve shouted, slamming the back door very loudly and stepping inside the kitchen. He threw his coat over the kitchen chair, brushing a fleck of dust off his shirt.

"DON'T!" came a shout from inside the living room. A very harassed looking Danny came storming through the door, staring murderously at Steve.

"Er…don't what?" said Steve, looking a bit scared at Danny's current state.

"THE DUST!" Danny yelled hoarsely, gesturing towards the tiny particle of dust that was now floating towards the ground. "GET IT! BEFORE IT TOUCHES MY PERFECT FLOOR!"

Steve hurriedly scrambled to pick up the speck of dust, frantically looking around for it. Then he decided, using up his last brain cell, to simply pretend to pluck it out of the air.

"Aha! Yes, here it is." Steve exclaimed over-exaggeratedly, before falling to the ground in his excitement. His brain needed recharging.

"Thanks," Danny grumbled, before taking out the flame thrower and burning the dust. "There!" he said, looking around at his spotless kitchen.

"Ok, then" said Steve cautiously. "Is DJ home?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs," said Danny, now very cheerful. "But make sure to put on a rubber suit before you go! I just vacuumed the carpet."

"O…k" said Steve, jumping into a nearby rubber suit. Unfortunately for him, it was bright pink, and obviously belonged to Stephanie. Steve, however, was oblivious to this, and bounced up the stairs to DJ's room.

"Hey Deej," said Steve, waltzing into her room, thinking he looked very suave.

"Hey Steve!" exclaimed DJ, jumping up and giving him a hug. "Why the visit?"

"My brain needs to be recharged," said Steve sexily. "You're the only one I trust, baby."

"Steve…." DJ trailed off as Steve captured her lips with his. "Steve…" she moaned, as they shared a fervent bout of French kissing. Suddenly, Steve went slightly limp and fell off of the bed.

"Oh god! I forgot to recharge his brain in all of the… excitement!" DJ cried.

Steve sat up, rubbing his head.

"Who are you…?" He slobbered groggily.

"Don't worry, Steve," said DJ kindly, propping his head up on a nearby pillow and grabbing a large needle. "I'm just recharging your brain, like I do everyday at 9, 3, and 8." With that statement, DJ stuck the needle into Steve's cranium and injected roughly 2 gallons of fluid.

"Duh…" said Steve, drooling all over Michelle's pillow.

"HEY!" Came a voice from inside the closet. DJ looked over at the closet curiously, while Steve fell off the bed again.

"Michelle," said DJ, standing up with her hands on her hips. "Stephanie,"

The closet door burst open, revealing Stephanie and Michelle wearing _all_ of DJ's clothes. Michelle appeared to be wearing all of DJ's socks, for her feet were nearly four times their normal size. She was also wearing about six sweaters, and was red all over, but was looking very smug. Stephanie was wearing all of DJ's pants, and she looked like she was wearing numerous pairs of ski pants. Dangling around her neck and wrists were countless necklaces and bracelets, and it even appeared that Michelle was wearing a condom on her nose.

"MICHELLE! STEPHANIE!" DJ shouted, fuming. Steve stood up, but DJ got so angry that she flung her hands out to the sides and knocked him over again.

"DJ, what's this?" Michelle wondered innocently, pointing to condom on her nose.

"Uh… well… it's something you definitely shouldn't tell Dad about. It's a girl secret. In fact, if a boy finds out, the person who told will DIE!"

IN THE KITCHEN

"Oh DANNY!" cooed a feminine voice from behind Danny.

"Who is that? Who's there?

"Guess!" said the voice, coming up behind him and covering his eyes with bright pink nails that scraped his cornea.

"Um…Joey?"

"No, silly!" said the voice, turning him around so he could see the mysterious person. "It's me! Vicky!"

"Oh," Danny mumbled. "It's just you."

Vicky frowned. "What do you mean, just me?"

"I mean, why didn't you tell me that you were a day older than I was?" Danny said, his heart broken. "I was always taught that the male should be older than the female, and now…our relationship is terminated!"

Vicky's eyes filled with tears. "Danny, don't do this!"

Danny ignored her, and grabbed her by the scruff of her ugly faux fur coat, tossing her out of the house and right into her car.

"Aahhhh!" Vicky screamed as she broke the windshield glass. It scraped against her eyeballs, digging into her burning flesh. Her skin was screaming in agony, her eyes were rolling, her mouth foaming.

"Bye, dear!" said Danny cheerfully, looking at her. "Don't bother calling, I've just discovered that I'm gay! That might explain why I invited Joey and Jesse to live with me in the first place," he said thoughtfully.

"Danny…" screamed Vicky, her legs twitching and bending in contortionist-like poses. "I love youuuuuuuu…." Then she died.

Danny, however, did not hear this last plea because had already slammed the door and was inside…watching Jesse on the couch. He was watching football, his hand running time after time though his long, silky, black hair. Danny often admired how his hair fell over his eyes in that sexy way, but before he had thought it was just jealousy. Now he knew that it was something else…

**A:N/**Hey, guys! This is Erin and Laur reporting for duty! We've decided to take a break from HP faces (due to lack of inspiration), so we wrote a Full House parody. We watch this all the time and nearly piss ourselves laughing. So, review away, my lovelies!

Erin and Laur 


	2. Sporks of Love

_**Full (of crap) House**_

_**By yellownotepaper**_

Disclaimer: We the people in order to write a crappy fanfic, establish flames ensure domestic hatred, provide for the common freaks, promote the general crud and ensure pure brain damage, for ourselves and no body else to ordain and establish this fanfic, for the loony loons of America. (This is another awesome parody of the preamble to the Constitution)

**Chapter Two**

An exhausted Jesse leaned back into the couch, massaging his temples. Danny wondered why; Jesse had a wonderful life, what with his newborn twin children, and his beautiful wife Becky. Or so Danny thought….

"AROOOOOOOO AR AR AROOOOOOOOO" Comet howled at the moon. Then, a random hunter with a condom on their nose came by and shot Comet by accident. He died.

"Oh, sorry Comet!" the hunter said sheepishly, taking off her mask and revealing herself to be none other than MICHELLE, still wearing DJ's 50 pairs of socks to make herself appear to be 2 feet taller. She peeled them off hurriedly so that she could run over to where her dead dog was lying and cried. Then she had a sandwich.

Meanwhile, Danny was creating a miniature saliva-filled swimming pool beneath his mouth. His eyes were wide, and followed Jesse's every movement. Jesse, however, did not notice him just yet. He was too busy thinking about his wife. She had been strangely distant lately, and seemed to be avoiding him. Not that Jesse minded, of course – she was a big whiner, always complaining to him about something. Like he forgot their anniversary, or slept with another woman or some other shit that no one cares about. But Joey, Jesse thought, has been away at the same times as Becky. 'What is going on?' he thought angrily, punching the sofa absentmindedly. Then a sudden noise awoke him from his daydreaming. He turned to see Danny staring at him, a strand of drool slowly dripping from his mouth.

Danny seemed to come to himself a little bit when Jesse looked at him. He straightened abruptly, closing his mouth and stopping the steady stream of saliva from falling. "Um…" he said, his voice faltering. " I'm trying out a new cleaning technique! Drool on the floor, and then wipe it up with a mop later! It's supposed to work wonders," he said, blabbering on and on. "Mary Joan Smith of Yardley even said –"

"Shut up, Danny," said Jesses seductively, rising from his spot on the couch. Danny gulped and wet his pants as Jesses strode sexily over to where he was standing. He put a tentative hand on the small of Danny's back and pulled him close as Danny tried to hide the huge stain in his pants. He was unsuccessful.

"Danny, I love you, you know that, right? You've been a heck of a brother in law, especially since what's-her-name died. It's been hard."

"Pam?"

"What?" said Jesse blankly.

"That's the name of my dead wife- your sister!" said Danny disbelievingly.

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me," exclaimed Jesse with dawning comprehension. Then, Jesse pulled away from the hug and kissed Danny passionately on the lips.

"Why'd you do that?" Danny panted breathlessly, a few seconds after they broke apart.

"For reminding me, silly!" Jesse squealed. Then Danny noticed that Jesse's nails were painted bright pink.

"AAAAH! Why'd you do that!" Danny screeched, pointing an accusing finger at his hot pink nails.

"Oh, these?" said Jesse, flaunting them in his face with a very un-manly giggle. "I thought you'd like them. They compliment my eyes so much," he added, nodding his head up and down several times.

Danny, after realizing that this was not a sick joke, said quickly, "Oh, yes, they look wonderful on you!" Although a little slow, this compliment was still under the heavy power of Jesse's kiss, and therefore was not fully awake yet. Trying to clear his mind, he went upstairs to search for money, hoping to go out for a slushie or two. Or three hundred. Same difference.

"Oh nooooooooo" Danny moaned, emptying his last jacket pocket and banging his fists on the floor.

"What is it, sexypoohpoohkins?" Jesse called up to him from the living room, his eyes fixated on the TV screen.

"I'm broke!" Danny wailed after coming downstairs from frantically searching every square inch of his room for money.

"Aw, that's okay, man. I'll still love you." Jesse assured him, kissing him on the cheek while poking his neck gently with a spork.

"Hey, Jesse?" said Danny breathlessly after their spork-related embrace.

"Yeah?" said Jesse, grabbing a nearby comb and running through his flawless hair, throwing a grin at a nearby mirror.

"How much money do you think you have in your wallet?" Danny said loudly, ignoring the swooning sounds of the mirror and trying not to sound too suggestive.

Jesse raised an aristocratic eyebrow. "Why?" he said suspiciously.

"Just curious!" Danny chirped.

"Well, I usually carry around about a thousand dollars, but sometimes more." Jesse said carelessly.

Danny's eyes widened. "Hey, you know what? I have a craving for an Icee. I'm gonna go down to the mall and get myself one. You want anything?"

"Oh, yeah, I'll have a large – "

"Sorry, they're out of that," said Danny, grabbing a coat that was lying on the kitchen table and rushing out the door. Jesse rolled his eyes and sat down on the loveseat again, changing the channel to his favorite – Perfect Omniferous Randy Nakeds. In other words, P.O.R.N.

A few hours later, Danny burst through the door; very red in the face due to the several large bags he was carrying.

"What took you so long, baby?" said Jesse, his eyes not leaving the television.

"Oh," said Danny, panting, the redness in his face not receding by being called 'baby'. "I just had to – you know – pick up some things at the mall." He shuffled away as fast as he could while attempting to carry all his bags with him, which wasn't very fast at all. "Now if you will excuse me…"

"How many things?" said Jesse, glancing over at him. "Oh," he said, his brain not yet registering how many bags Danny was carrying.

"Ok." Jesse looked back at the TV momentarily, before doing a double take. "JESUS CHRIST!" he shouted, standing up and glaring at Danny.

Danny winced. "What?" he said, going for the innocent look.

"Danny, where did you get the money for all of that?" said Jesse angrily.

"Oh," said Danny, laughing nervously. "I found some money in my pocket."

"But you're not wearing pockets!" Jesse pointed out.

"Oh, did I say pockets?" said Danny sounding surprised. "I meant up my butt." Danny shrugged. "I always get those two confused!"

"Really…." said Jesse, eyeing his trousers and smirking. "I don't remember your ass being that wide."

IN MICHELLE'S BEDROOM

Since Stephanie had left to go to the mall with a nerd from her science class, Michelle had the room all to herself. This was just the way she liked it.

Michelle still didn't know what that thing in DJ's closet was, but it was a good nose-hat.

twincest ahead

IN THE TWINS ROOM

Alex and Nicky were lying side by side in their big-boy bed after their bathie, so they were completely nakey.

"Alex, what's that?" Nicky said innocently, and pulled very hard on his pickle.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Alex screamed for his mommy. Too bad she was violating Jesse's trust with Joey… in their bed. In retaliation, he grasped his brother's pickle and pulled harder.

"Meanie!"

They looked at each other momentarily, before Nicky stuck his you-know-what into Alex's mouth.

"Ewwie!" said Alex, trying to take it out. "It tastes funny!"

"But it feels nice!" Nicky protested. In response, Alex bit down. Hard.

Nicky made no sound, but suddenly became paralyzed, his mouth wide open as if about to say something, his left eye twitching. He began to make noises as if he could not get enough air.

"Gross!" said Alex, spitting something across the room. "I bit some off. You taste real bad," he added to Nicky as he wiped the blood off his mouth with the pristine white sheets. "I'm gonna go watch TV," he said, slamming the door. A few seconds later Nicky fell off the bed and into a pool of his own blood. Yay!

"Hey Daddy," said Stephanie as she climbed down the stairs and onto the couch.

"Hey, Steph," said Jesse, his eyes still on the television. "TOUCHDOWN!" he cried suddenly, doing a funny little queer dance on the carpet.

"Hi Stephanie," said Danny, who was obviously trying not to watch Jesse wave his fanny in his general direction but was failing terribly.

Stephanie looked at her father, and then at Jesse, wrinkling her nose. Then she looked at Danny again, her head turning the side a bit as she scrutinized him.

"Daddy…are those….spork marks?"

**A:N/ **I know, I know, that was kindof gross (in a really funny way) but who cares. We're making this fanfic, and NO BODY ELSE! Flames welcome. And by welcome I mean if you flame us, WE WILL STALK YOU AND KILL YOU! FOREVER!

Love,

Erin and Laur

PS: And for those who are illiterate, OMNIFEROUS means 'all kinds'


	3. The Ghetto Llamaz Partied alllll Night

_**Full of crap House, by yellownotepaper**_

**Disclaimer: You know you make me wanna SHOUT put my hands up and SHOUT I don't own this SHOUT so don't SHOUT at me**

**Chapter Three**

Danny and Jesse glared angrily at each other for a moment, fiery red hatred burning deep within their souls. Then, they promptly forgot about all former misgivings, and threw themselves at each other. This did not result in a hug, or a passionate kiss, but a sore, bloody pile on the floor. It had slipped Jesse's mind that he was holding a giant agen agen kanten green seaweed container, which was sadly very sharp, and had impaled Danny and himself at the point of impact. Danny decided he didn't care if he was bleeding to death, and lunged at Jesses once more. This time, Jesse remembered to throw aside the jagged seaweed bottle and they kissed lustily while spewing blood everywhere. All in all, it was a very passionate moment and, had anyone been there to document it, would have been remembered in the history books forever.

"It will be nice to die beside you, Danny." Jesse said, shifting his bloody mass of a head to gaze into his brother-in-law/lover's one un-massacred eye.

"You've always had a knack for saying just the right thing, Jesse. I love you."

"It's a good thing Joey loves that chick."

"What chick?"

"My wife… uh… whatsername…"

"Becky?"

"Yeah, that bitch!"

"So Becky was having an affair… with JOEY?" Danny gargled in his own blood. "No way man, that was totally unpredictable!"

"Yeah, just because they made out about five times in our presence doesn't mean anything," Jesse said wearily.

"I had absolutely NO idea." Danny enthused, blood pouring out from various wounds. He tried to go for the "gangsta" act and began to attempt to break dance on the floor, ruining the white carpet and succeeding at tearing his right arm off.

"Oopsies," said Danny, who shrugged indifferently. "Oh well, I never liked having TWO arms anyways. So much hassle."

Jesse nodded his agreement and tore off his own right arm.

"You look sexy with one arm," Danny purred, waggling his eyebrows and beginning to do hip-thrusts. As he gave one particularly powerful hip thrust, a long, fleshy object flew off into the distance. "Aww man, now I'm barren!" he moaned, embarrassed.

"YES! NOW I GET TO REALLY BE THE MAN! W00T!" Jesse yelled loudly, his arms punching the air in triumph.

This sudden chicken-like outburst alerted Michelle. She dropped her detective notebook and tumbled down the stairs, condom still firmly attached to her nose.

"Uncle Jesse, why is there blood all over the floor? And didn't you have TWO arms?" she pouted, crossing her arms and frowning, paying no attention to her father lying in a pool of his own blood.

"Kids these days, I tell you, such imaginations." Jesse spluttered as a quart of fresh blood cascaded down his face.

"Jesse?"

"Yes Danny," said Jesse as he fell on his side and clutched his stomach.

"I had an accident," he said, his face red. Then he began to cry.

"Danny," began Jesse slowly. "HOW exactly did you manage that!"

"I have absolutely no idea," Danny chirped, all mournful disposition leaving him in a sudden burst of energy.

"HA! SCRAMBLE THE FAIRIES! SCRAMBLE, I SAY!" Michelle Nose-hat Tanner screamed/sang at the top of her lungs unexpectedly.

"Not now, Michelle." Jesse and Danny muttered exhaustedly in unison.

"But I LIKE to scramble the fairies!" The little girl wearing a condom cried.

_and now for something completely different dancing llamas_

While Stephanie was so rudely sniffing crack at the movie theater with the 21 year old guy from her gym class, (He was held back … a lot.) DJ was over at her beloved Steve's house, trying to find the right words to explain how she felt.

"Steve, I really want to tell you something," DJ stared into his dull brown eyes. He drooled and grunted in response. "Oh, Steve, you know I LOVE it when you do that! Stop it!" DJ giggled and playfully slapped his arm. In retaliation, Steve accidentally punched her in the nose.

"Don't slap me you big-ass daddy!" Stevey yelled diplomatically.

"Ohb Sbeve," DJ gasped, her speech altered by the broken bone sticking through the roof of her mouth. "Abywabes, I wanted to tbell you tbat I ab reaby to take our brelationbip to dah nebst lebble."

Steve looked at her in surprise. "Oh honey-baby-gorgeous-bitchy-thingamambooberdaddyo, I'm not sure…."

"Stebe?" DJ said, and I would insert an adverb here but you could barely understand what she was saying so yeah.

"Im not sure I'm ready!" Steve protested.

"Oh Stebe," said DJ, caressing his face. "Ebery tibe I see your face I bfeel da need to just reach out and pop bhose bootivul zbits ov yours."

_back at the Tanners' house_

"Boop-piddy-poop-poop!" Michelle howled. And yes, we mean like the wolf.

_ok, back to the ghetto llama'z yo_

SAY THE FOLLOWING IN A GANGSTA/SOUTHERN ACCENT

The ghetto llamas danced all night long man. And you can bet your socks there were some broken heart and broken bones. Ya'll best be getting that little pink…..EXPLODING!

**A:N/ **

**Laur: Hiya peoples, we got a bit carried away with all the meaningless crap in this chappie because we were so ecstatic that we got out of school like 4 hours early! W00tle! Wee**

**Erin: yeah man they partied allllllllll nite. And thanks to all the reviewers, even if they were flames they made us spit out our pumpkin juice all over the bathroom walls in the rain! While tapdancing. Yes, that's it. Oh and also, agen agen kanten green is a type of Japanese seaweed that we saw at asianfoodgrocer, and the whole thing about scrambling the faeries is from fairly odd parents, which rocks man!lol**

**APWW06: Thank you, we like to think of it that way. That's why we named this fanfic FULL OF CRAP HOUSE, as in if you actually LIKE the show, don't READ IT! -**

**Neoadictee: thank you, we like to think that they do**

**Serena: We try, we try. .**

**Trmbngrl: Thank you for your praise! We know we rock lol j/k -.-**

**MonsterChild: Oh we will smiles broadly**

**Lagunabeach: I never liked Vicky anyways, shes stupid and pointless and Danny is stupid as well so im rambling glad you liked it! lol**

**SladeRaven4eva: yeah lol we're glad!**

**Jessalae: bows thank you, thank you. -**

**Kim: go censored a can beeyotch. -**

**Casey: The reason that it is M rated is because there is possibly EXTREMELY M rated content in the near future, and there are sex-related jokes hidden in here. If you and your sister are too dense to get them, its not my problem. But thank you for the luck!**

**MSfan05: nice spelling, dude. But thanx lol**

**Cold Toenails: love your sn lol, thanks for the suggestion lol but we don't wanna get thrown off of fanfiction D I'm glad you like it**

**Katherine212: It's not dumb! It's total genius jeez lol!**

**Hazel Mercy: …..thanks?**

**ShelMel: we will, don't worry! It cracks us up as much as it does you, if not more because of all the brainstorming we do to make up the crappy humor!**

"**Steeny": You suk learn to speel nastee az beeyotch! Lol jk stiney bffs 4ever ish type thingie wad…OF GUM**


	4. Fleshy Object of Death

_**Full of crap House, by yellow notepaper**_

**Disclaimer: sung to the tune of Mr. Brightside chorus**

_Fanfiction_

_Where I publish my bad songs_

_Which I am doing right now_

_For a odd odd purpose_

_To tell you we don't own the_

_Original Full House plot_

_But we do own this crap_

_Cuz we're total losers_

Chapter Four

Far far away in the land of oz, an old man sat working at his desk. Sighing and closing his book, he coughed and grabbed a tissue from the nearby box. He blew his nose, alarming several birds outside, and stood up, stretching. Suddenly a long, fleshy object burst through the window and into the man's stomach.

He gasped for breath, leaning on the table for support, his legs collapsing beneath him. With a final groan, he was dead, not knowing that his long-lost son's fleshy object had finally found him.

_in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps with YOUR MOM_

Danny hiccupped loudly after his liver accidentally fell out of his ear.

"Bless you," muttered Jesse, wiping fluids off of his face.

"Your welcome!" exclaimed a bouncing Danny brightly.

_at Disney world, a.k.a. Steve's house_

"Oh DJ! You're so romantic! I'd love for you to pop my zits!" He hugged her tightly, slid his hand under her shirt, and took it off, flinging it into a corner and over a small camera that Michelle had set up.

"Aww man!" Michelle said disappointedly. "Oh well, at least the speakers are still working," she added brightly as she listened to the several moaning sounds coming from the amplifier she set up next to her bed.

"Oh Stebe," said DJ, dragging her hand over the hundreds of pimples that covered his entire body. "I lobe you so much!"

"I love your boobies…I mean I love you too!" he added quickly. Going for the gold, he reached out and grabbed one of her "boobies", accidentally pulling it so hard that it fell off into his hand. "Er… Oops…" he said sheepishly. "Well, on the brightside, now I can take a piece of you everywhere I go!" He licked his lips, and the one-boobed DJ giggled.

"Oh Stebe, your such a perb. I love your perbersion!" she exclaimed, popping several of his blackheads in her enthusiasm.

"I love it too…so so much…" Steve garbled, staring at her boobie that was jiggling in his big manly hand.

_back to the future… ish… thing…_

By now, Jesse and Danny were so delirious from blood loss that all they were doing was rolling around in the blood and using the wood floor like a water slide. A few hours later, Joey and "that chick" came home, hand-in-hand.

"OH MY FLIPPING GAWD!" Joey cried out in surprise. He had stumbled upon a love scene never before witnessed by human eyes. Here is the story of how it came to be.

Danny and Jesse had been happily lolling around on the floor for some time, until suddenly they realized how near to death they were. Danny started blubbering and Jesse gave an anguished cry. Suddenly a nice Faerie named Belinduh happened upon them and made all of their wounds disappear, and the blood was removed from the carpet.

"Danny!" Joey cried. "Jesse!" He hugged them both, then made out with Belinduh.

"Oh Joey," said Belinduh, giggling and poofing into dust. Apperantly being kissed made her turn into dandruff for 24 hours. Danny began to panic.

"DANDRUFF!" he screeched. "DANDRUFF! IN MY HOUSE!" He quickly reached for a small handheld vacuum cleaner (he kept 5 of them in every room in the house) and began sweeping frantically, holding the handle with his teeth.

"Oh Danny, you know I love it when you turn into a girlish clean freak," said Jesse with a silly, feminine laugh.

Danny's eyes turned smoky and dark, and Jesse could see shadowy desire in his brown eyes. He could feel his pants shrink. Actually, they shrunk so much that they burst open so Danny, Joey, and his ex-wife could all stare and gawk.

Danny suddenly dropped the vacuum and hurried up the stairs, making rather loud clanking sounds. "Hold on, darling!" he called down to Jesse.

"Ok, snugglebutt!" said Jesse, eagerly awaiting Danny's return and hiding his…thingie…behind a pillow.

"Hey Joey," Becky purred, sliding a hand up his shirt. "Lets go upstairs, baby."

Joey grinned as Becky moved her hand south, and waggled his eyebrows. He then lifted her into his arms and, ignoring her squeak, carried her upstairs.

Jesse sat down on the couch and turned on the tv, waiting for his beloved snuggling butt to return. A small cough was heard behind him, and he turned around so fast he cricked his neck.

Danny had his hairy stub-of-an-arm draped around the railing, his eyelids low and suggestive. He was draped in a long cloak that hid what he was wearing underneath, and Jesse found himself walking over to Danny and yanking off the robe, revealing a sexy black lingerie bra and underwear set that left nothing to the imagination. The bra was see-through, and since Danny had not had an operation performed to make him officially a girl, he must have had pretty big manboobs, because he actually had CLEAVAGE! His…erm…'bottom piece' consisted of a scrap of fabric tied to a string that looked uncomfortably wedged in his buttocks.

Jesse licked his lips as Danny stepped down off the stairs and began to undress him, lifting his shirt gently over his head with his foot (double jointed – w00t!) and revealing quite a lot of chest hair. Moving forward to Jesse's very cool leather pants, he promptly ripped them off with his teeth and threw them in a corner on top of a very high Stephanie, who had just stumbled through the door, un-noticed.

"Hey," said Jesse angrily. "I liked those pants!" Jesse ran over to his dead pants and began to cry like a little girl.

"Jesse…." said Danny slowly. "Wasn't I supposed to be the girl?"

"Oh yeah," said Jesse, walking back over to his man-girl and ripping off the little amount of clothing he (she…?) had left on. Stephanie began giggling madly, tripping over a couch and falling into a lamp in hysterics. "Sham hammmmmmm….." she moaned happily, quickly sticking a pillow down her shirt. "Look at meeeeeee!" she cried, waddling around the room. "I'm pregnant!hahahahahaha" Suddenly a cough was heard behind her. She turned around blearily and saw JoeJoe (the 21 year old crackhead) standing stock still in the doorway gaping at her blankly.

"You are?" he said, yawning. "Oh…I thought we had used a condom…but you never know…" he shrugged. "I was high….I think….oh yeah!" he shouted loudly, falling and twitching on the floor like a rabid hamster. "This guy gave me some granulated pigeon to smoke…wasn't half bad…" he muttered to himself.

Stephanie grabbed JoeJoe quickly and began to ravish him right then and there. They finished soon after and then went outside to smoke more animals. Danny and Jesse still hadn't noticed him, and were busy cleaning up their mess they had just made. "Oh JESSE," Danny squealed, kicking him in the chest due to his lack of arms. "You are so SEXY!"

"Yeah," Jesse said breezily, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. "What of it?"

Danny paused, then said, "Jesse, I want to have your baby."

**A:N/**HEYYYYYY pplz…thankies for the reviews…sry it took so long, I sent this to laur and she never sent it back, so I just finished it. Cliffie w00000t!


	5. not really important at all

Sorry for the false alarm, reviewers! No new chappie here! . . 

Laur and I recently made a myspace, and I just made a quiz (cuz I rock like that). We DO have TONS OF PROJECTS for English tho, so its not easy to update as often as we'd like. Maybe we could update MORE if LAUR would CHECK her EMAIL once in a WHILE

I like to capitalize

Ok anyways, the links are w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / s a n g o h o u s h i and w w w . m y s p a c e . c o m / l a u r y l a u r. If you wanna IM us, our sn's are sangohoushi12 and stareacher56, and make sure 2 become our friend!

Quiz: see how well you know our stories!

H t t p / w w w . q u I z y o u r f r I e n d s . c o m / y o u r q u I z . p h p ? q u I z n a m e 0 5 1 2 1 3 2 1 1 2 4 3 – 6 6 2 0 6 8

Copy and paste into your address bar, and erase the spaces


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